NO REGRETS?

Well, how things can change in a day or so - in my life, anyway.

Here it is in point form as I just don't have what it takes to write it all down any other way:

-went into work yesterday to pick up a cheque - after being given the month of August off with assurances that I will be back in Sept.,  now I won't be back in Sept (due to the next item, it was my suggestion but was very eagerly accepted - too eagerly for my comfort) and maybe not even ever.  The script supervisor they brought in for August only seems to be a 'better fit' than I am.  There was talk of keeping me on and then alternating with her, which would be better than nothing but a far cry from ideal for my bank account.

-got a call about a job for all of Sept. in Kelowna on a movie.  Went and met the director, producers and PM yesterday.  My friend, the 1st AD who called me about it said I would be hearing from him, probably in 10 minutes to say I had the job.  It's that was yesterday at 4pm.  Still haven't heard.  This seemed like a great answer to a couple of issues - gave me somewhere to live for a month while I make enough $ to buy a decent small used motorhome.  I actually found THE perfect one today on CraigsList for a price I could afford by the time I was done the show.  But now I am doubtful I am getting the show as I haven't heard.   I will call today to find out once the office is open and they've had an hour or so there.

-so without a job I really don't know what to do.  It turns out that the van I was looking at buying has a LOT of issues mechanically as it has sat for 4 years (just to be clear, this is a camper van I was looking at last week NOT the one pictured above that I found today).  The present owner is a mechanic so he was listing off all it needs doing.  He doesn't want to do it as he doesn't have the time.  I think it will take all I have to buy it and get it in running shape so that really isn't an option.  It will be 6 weeks before I can start collecting Employment Insurance, so I have to have something to live on between now and then.

-I was thinking of going to my bank today to see about getting a small loan so I could buy something better (like the one I found today) for about $5,000 - $10,000 which, in normal circumstances, I could have paid off in two or three months.  But now, with work being so uncertain, this isn't an option.

-I started looking at other job postings but all that does is make it glaringly obvious how unqualified I am for pretty much any other work than what I do.  I am useless at book-keeping so most office jobs are out, and I really am not up on all of the usual office software.  I have never worked in a restaurant of any kind - well, that's not true - I was a car-hop back in my high-school days but that's not going to get me anywhere... having said that, I'd love to learn how to bar-tend on the job but everyone wants people with years of experience.  Retail work pays slave wages and requires one to be on their feet all day and my lower back just can't take that anymore.

Hind-sight being 20/20, I shouldn't have gone to the BVI.  But I had NO idea that my job was in jeopardy, in fact - I was told to order another years work of paperwork with my name on it, I was sent the 'welcome back for season 2' letter, I was sent the schedule for the second season, and - above all - when I was asked to train a replacement I was assured that my job 'was not in jeopardy' but it was just a safety net in case I should get ill or need some time off.   So I had every reason to believe I was good to go and that part of my savings could pay for a much longed for trip.  I do NOT regret going, however.  It was SO amazing and soul restoring and just plain fabulous in every way.  But one can't help but think of how I could just go and buy that RV today had I not gone.

So despite all I wanted to do to keep myself from having my back against the wall with no options ever again, I find myself pretty much there.

***UPDATE: Not 5 minutes after posting this I found out I HAVE THE KELOWNA JOB! So I am off to see the motorhome this afternoon, will offer a huge deposit to hold it until the end of the month and then pay for it when I get back. I can't put into words what a HUGE relief and answer to prayer this is. Now to get on with reducing, packing up, and selling what I have in this one room!!