A friend of mine recently turned fifty and posted the following on FaceBook today:
is looking forward to his fifties, the decade in which anyone adding undue drama or undue emotional taxation to his life in any capacity will be shown the door in a speedy and detached manner. It's different now.
to which I responded:
50 is when you come to the rather jarring realization of how short life really is and, therefore, dealing with any drama you don't have to is a waste of precious time so you just don't.
I am almost half way into my fifties and so have had time to put this into practice although, truth be told, I did away with a lot of drama in my world 15 years or so ago when I decided that I was through being a victim and took charge of my life, ridding myself of toxic people who had controlled me for far too long. A few years later, I walked out of my marriage for the same reason - life is just way too damn short to be that unhappy day in and day out. Not that life has been a bowl of cherries since, but at least I am living it with me at the helm and without the constant negativity that toxic relationships bring.
There is some drama, however, that is necessary to life. I am still figuring out my role in my kids lives as theirs changes - almost weekly it seems. As a new grandma, I am longing to be at my daughters all of the time to play with my gorgeous little granddaughter who seems to change by the day, but I can't be so settle for once a week. My daughter isn't one who appreciates me just dropping by for a visit if I am over her way, I have learned, so it has to be a scheduled thing and once a week is often enough for her. When I am working, I might go two or more weeks without seeing her as they like to have the weekends to themselves. If I call too often, text too often, ask if it's a good time to come over more than twice in a week (because the previous time wasn't a good time) it annoys her. So we finally sat down to talk about it as I was feeling like I was walking on eggshells all of the time and it didn't take much to set her off. We had a good long talk came to a place of agreement but it was hard getting there and it was indeed 'drama'. I cried. I tiptoed around words that might shut her down. It was hard to hear some things she had to say and not want to just toss in the towel and take my hurt feelings home. But times like that are a necessary part of living if you want to keep the relationships that you can't live without. And at this stage for me and my kids, those relationships are on the constantly shifting sands that is life so it seems they need constantly reassessing. And for me, as someone whose language of love is Quality Time, it's hard to keep my need for this in check and not feel rejected when I don't get enough.
In your 50's, the horizon of life is always in view. People start dying in their 50's so that horizon may be a lot closer than it appears to be. This is in my mind ALL OF THE TIME like some sort of white noise that you clue in to every so often and realize you've been hearing it for ages. Death was in my mind a lot when I turned 40 but it went away after a couple of years. It didn't come back until I turned 50 and I hoped it would go away again like before but, four and a half years later, it's still there. I look at my little granddaughter and wonder how long I will be in her life. I was nineteen when my much loved grannie passed away. Nineteen years. That's not very long. And should I make it past that, I think of her getting married and how I will be the old crone on the front pew. Not a pleasant visual. But it's really not that far off. At least, it doesn't feel like it is. Life. Is. Short!!!
So yes, if you are at the cusp of your 50's it is definitely time to say goodbye to the cause of any unnecessary drama in your life. But, seriously, why wait until then? If you are in your 20's, your 30's or your 40's - don't wait until your old to realize what it's taken us this long to figure out. Learn from us and get rid of it now.
You won't regret it.
